Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
