Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
