I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
