Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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