Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
