wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
