i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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