Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
