DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
