I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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