To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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