I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
