I think im going to throw up on grandma
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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