there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
