My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
