you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
