dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
