my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it hurts more in the daytime
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
