I hate your face
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
