I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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