to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am available for nakedness
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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