I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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