dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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