I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
