remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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