she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
