K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Randomize
