Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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