Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
