One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
