Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
