I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
