does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's never too late to be topless.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
