I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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