dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
