Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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