Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
