somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
