you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
