I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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