you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
