Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
