Dual....:-)
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
