Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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