Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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