You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
