Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
