well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
