$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
