Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
