She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
