The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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